Joke of the day & silly humor - post 'em here! Warning: NSFW !!!

[stayouttadabunker]

I'm not sure what category this falls under?  >>>

[FORDSBS]

I'm not sure what category this falls under, BUT IT SHOULD WORK.
When the rack gets dirty just use other side.

[channelmaniac]

I'm not sure what category this falls under, BUT IT SHOULD WORK.
When the rack gets dirty just return it and borrow another one.

Fixed.

[FORDSBS]

I'm not sure what category this falls under, BUT IT SHOULD WORK.
When the rack gets dirty just return it and borrow another one.

Fixed.

I like your answer better then my answer.

[StatFreak]

I'm not sure what category this falls under, BUT IT SHOULD WORK.
When the rack gets dirty just return it and borrow another one.

Fixed.

I like your answer better then my answer.

I like both answers. Use both sides and THEN return it for another.

[CaptainHappy]

I'm not sure what category this falls under, BUT IT SHOULD WORK.
When the rack gets dirty just return it and borrow another one.

Fixed.

I like your answer better then my answer.

I like both answers. Use both sides and THEN return it for another.

I have to give credit for creativity!

I think that since they already risked stealing the cart, why not go a step further and rip off the "cart baby ass wipes" in the industrial container buy the cart storage to "clean your grill!"

CH

[tacman]

Enjoy, I sure did !!! 

 Dan (tacman)

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/81805461/

[Buzz]

 
SENIORS & COMPUTERS
 

As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.

I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like  Mission Control and asked him to
come over.


Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong ? He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless enquired,

'An, ID ten T error ? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Eric grinned .... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before ?
 
'No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down:


ID10T


I used to like Eric, the little shit head.
 
 
 
 
 

[zarobhr]

someone posted this on my FB wall

A man died and went to heaven. He saw a huge wall of clocks behind St. Peter.
“Why all the clocks�?’ St. Peter answered, ‘Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.‘ ’Oh,’ said the man, ‘whose clock is that?’
…………… ‘That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have NEVER moved, she NEVER told a lie.

….‘ ’WHERE‘S President Obama’s clock?’ asked the man. “Oh,� said Peter. “It‘s in Jesus’ office…




He’s using it as a ceiling fan.�!!!

[stayouttadabunker]

thanks guys! I really liked those two !!
eric the shithead and jesus's ceiling fan....lol

[FORDSBS]

Italian Mother
Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son, Anthony, for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Maria.
 
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but
notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is.
 
 

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and
his roommate than met the eye.
 
Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered,
"I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,
Maria and I are just roommates.''

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying,
"Ever since your mother came to dinner,
I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote an email:
Dear mama,
 
I'm not saying that you "did" take the
sugar bowl from my house;
I'm not saying that you "did not" take it.
But the fact remains that it has been missing
ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Anthony

Several days later, Anthony received a response
email from his Mama which read:


Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria,
and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her.

But the fact remains that if she was
sleeping in her OWN bed,
she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Mama


 Moral:   Never lie to your mama.
 
 

[stayouttadabunker]

That's one smart but nosy ravioli....

[FORDSBS]

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two
drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says,

'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today..'

The bartender says,

'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.'

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming up,' says the bartender..

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to
buy you one, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming right up,' the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'

The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'

[FORDSBS]

Not a joke but the thought worth posting.

On the morning of May 18, 2011, my wife noticed a deer in our yard that appeared to be frantically looking for something in the rocks that form a wall on our property line in Brush Prairie, WA.

When we first went out with our neighbors, we didn't see anything, but the deer wouldn't leave our yard. We went back to our house and watched; after a few minutes the deer came back.

We went out to the area the deer was concentrating on and could hear a baby fawn crying in the rocks. We moved some of the rocks and smaller boulders and saw a baby fawn's face in the rocks. He had apparently fallen in one of the gaps and was now trapped. The larger boulders were too heavy to move, and we didn't want the rocks cave in on the baby deer.

We called our Clark County Fire District 3.
The B Shift team came out; they were able to move the larger rocks out of the way with the Jaws of Life enough to be able to reach in a pull the baby fawn out and reunite it with its momma. The fawn, maybe stuck in their most of the night, quickly went to nurse its momma.

One of our neighbors took some video clips of the fire department's rescue. I edited the clips into this short clip. After sharing it with some friends they thought that it was just too cute not to share with more people;
my neighbor agreed to let me upload it.

http://www.wimp.com/fawnrescued/

[Ron (r273)]

 

Thanks for sharing Fordsbs!

Ron (r273)

[CaptainHappy]

 

How cute! 

CH

[zarobhr]

AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, A MAN TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT HIS WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, 'HONEY, 44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL. NOW I HAVE A $500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS.' HIS WIFE, A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN, TOLD HIM TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT HE WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV. AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? WE REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE A MID-LIFE CRISIS..

[Amachanic]

New Joke...

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000  gold coins . With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King, and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.

The moral of the story..............

Pay your bills

[Buzz]

 






 




ALWAYS ASK, NEVER ASSUME!!


 
His request approved, the CNN News photographer
quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport
to charter a flight.


He was told a twin-engine plane
would be waiting for him at the airport.


Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane
warming up outside a hangar.
 


He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut,
and shouted, 'Let's go'.



The pilot taxied out, swung the plane
into the wind and took off.



Once in the air, the photographer instructed
the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make
low passes so I can take pictures
of the fires on the hillsides.'


'Why?' asked the pilot.



'Because I'm a photographer for CNN',
he responded, 'and I need to get
some close up shots.'



The pilot was strangely silent for a moment,
finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me,
is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'

 

 

 


 

 
"Life is short.
Drink the good wine first."

 
 
 

[Buzz]

.

[cowboygames]

Childhood frustrations...

[Buzz]

Childhood frustrations...

4 articles of clothing minus 4 = naked

[cowboygames]

Hell, everyone's gotta have a job. The world needs strippers, hookers and...uh...ditchdiggers too Better than a career of "would you like fries with that?"

[StatFreak]

Childhood frustrations...

4 articles of clothing minus 4 = naked

That equation works in the bedroom.

Correction for strippers:
4 articles of clothing minus 3 = almost naked + 100 singles stuffed into the article remaining.   

(...or  "Subtract 3 from 4, carry the hundred." )


Stat

[jsmith]

 
A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.

The wife replied, " You 're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."

A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

" You 're finished already??" the startled husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.

"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."